clout chaser
Hi, I’m Allison. There’s currently a demonic goat in my DMs trying to get me to betray some witches. I’ve been trying to write a lyric essay about Legends of the Hidden Temple for six weeks. I know a little about a lot and a lot about every one of those things that’s useless. I have disorders that basically make me human Gumby and mean my brain’s literally too big for my head. Despite being a pretentious theater kid, I now exclusively listen to bands fronted by men who objectively cannot sing. (This post performed well on Instagram so now I’m posting it here for that sweet, sweet acknowledgment dopamine.) (That’s what I wrote when I posted this on Facebook. Now I’m trying to get it published in a lit mag. If you’re reading this, I either succeeded or you’re deciding if I will. I’m making it longer, though. I still have more to say. I always have more to say, but I usually don’t say it. People see me as the person you say stuff to, and never the reverse — so they say a lot of things. I know a lot of dirt. I do say the important things; that’s not quite what I mean. I just don’t say the weird things. I’ve trained myself to stop that. Sometimes I still fail. I still always regret it. The truth is that this is probably the most honest thing I’ve written. Please note that naming facts and being honest may not, in fact, be the same thing. I accidentally wrote that sentence like I’d write a gentle comment in my proofreading job. Sometimes, I even think that way. Before four years ago, I never thought the words “please note.” I don’t know how the fuck I got a proofreading job. I run everything through Grammarly. I’ll absolutely run this through Grammarly. I do learn about interesting things while proofreading, and I like it sometimes. I especially like the idioms that don’t translate correctly. The other day, somebody wrote, “It is a gargantuan thing to touch the world lightly with a feather.” I don’t know what it means but I’m into it. That’s the energy I hope people bring to me. Do I bring that energy to me? Can you put me through Grammarly? Can you get me on Legends of the Hidden Temple? Since the first Instagram caption, there was a new, adult version of that, and even though it flopped like, massively, I used that as proof I might be clairvoyant again. And I don’t mean adult like rated-R-adult, but I like to imagine what that looks like. How hard it always seemed to put together the silver monkey. On a properly-adult rated-R version, that’s probably a metaphor for the clitoris or registering your car in a new state. The truth is ??????????????. The truth is I didn’t know what to write there. I just left that in this so I could come back later with something clever. I’m going to keep it as is. I’m tired of coming back to things. I’m tired of being clever. I’m tired of not saying more unless it’s important to other people. I’m tired. I’m tired. I’m not running this through Grammarly. (The next part of this is the end of the Instagram caption.)) I spent years being big mad about people treating me like a manic pixie dream girl, but I’m now writing photo captions like this, which is probably something I should reflect on. (What a gargantuan thing, to touch the world lightly with a feather.)
