nesting
i’ve been thinking about the backs of buildings / how they’re all ugly / there’s a sparrow hurt / bent up against / the corner of my porch / maybe a broken wing / or heart / i’m not sure / i stand there with two jugs of water / keys slipping through the corner of my hand / the sparrow so scared / it starts to turn inward / i whisper / i’m not going to hurt you / i wish / i picked it up / saved it / what use am i / to something trying so hard / to live / i slip past the bird / follow the winding stairs up / i’m so lonely / i whisper / there is no one / to hear these words / though it feels like something that should remain / a secret / i find the door to my apartment / call my mother for the fourth time / unwrap into this place / on the phone / she asks about the doctor / have i be following up / i say / yes / hating that some things can’t be escaped / and i remember her hands in mine / our arms crossed over each other / pulling hard / then her body against me / holding tight / after the news / the tears / the pieces of myself / i never wanted anyone else to see / what a privilege it is / to live / even if its ugly / to be saved / i should have picked up the sparrow / held it tight / let it be broken / not everything is looking for / fixing / i want to be whole / again / the scars on the sides of my stomach / can you see them / can you see the home / i’m making out of myself / here / in this body / in this pain / in the loneliness / .
